Text message from James. It was late but I couldn’t stop staring at the 3 words, Hey what’s up? It was odd to me; I wondered how he got my number and questioned what his thoughts were behind the text message. I heard about him, my friends weren't too fond with him, honestly i don't know how his name was in my contacts, we just never spoke to each other. I couldn’t not answer, so I casually replied “hey not much you?”
Since then our relationship grew, just as a rocket ship takes off and shoots up to the sky, James and I in my mind were only heading towards good things. After the many text messages back and forth, he asked what I was doing tonight and if we could possibly meet up. I felt nervous but still willing to get to know him better. Even though I knew we were just friends, I heard about him. I’m not foolish and I know I won’t be part of his sick mind games that he had with his ex- girlfriend Jessica. He speaks from his penis, not from his heart, overly said by my mom. I’ve recently been cautious, maybe even overly cautious however no way was I going to to be played. I thought to myself I need relax; maybe this one will be different.
Ring! Ring! James is calling, I answered, “Hey!”He replied, “What’s up Brooke baby”, as you see he has a sense of humor that I happened to enjoy listening to.He continued, “I wanted to see if you wanted to come to one of my friend’s parties.”I smiled and spoke with a curious tone of voice, “Yeah I’ll go, but what time and can I bring a friend with me?”He responds in such a boy way, “Only if she’s cute babe.”I respond in such a girl way, “Sounds good babe.” Secretly knowing I’m just making fun of him.I knew just the person to bring my friend Emma. She was one of my best friends. When I looked back over my weekends, she was always there with me creating the most memorable times. I called her and filled her in with every possible detail I could share with her. She wasn't too excited, like i said she wasn't too fond of him but she agreed to come for me. She also agreed to be at my house in a little while, so we can get all dolled up together. I cranked up the volume to my stereo and together we laid out all the possible outfits we could create across my bed. I decided on a black turtleneck dress with red flowers designed beautifully along the dress. When I put the dress on, it rested on my mid-thigh, I thought the dress was a bit revealing. I felt wearing black leggings made me feel more comfortable, so I did just that. Emma’s outfit was quite the opposite, baggy ripped jeans, and a white low cut t-shirt. A long chained glass snake necklace hung on her t-shirt. I’d say by the time we were finished and ready to go, there was a glow to us, a shine that reminded me of a rainbow. Together we felt so alive but also felt shy, after all we were about to hangout with people we don't really know.
There he was, waiting outside. I felt sneaky, knowing this was supposed to be a mom, I mean that’s what I told my mom. I thought about how us meeting face to face was going to be like, as Emma and I were walking down a hill and as I lifted my head up to wave, he gave me a wink. From there on I knew how the night was going to be. The car door flings open; James is seated in the middle back seat and obnoxiously says,“Hello, sexy ladies”“Hey” we go“Haha James move over!” I laughed nervously.“Nah, I want to sit next to you two!”Right away the conversation shifts to Emma and I being told the party is cancelled. I mouthed to Emma, I knew it was too good to be true. I looked directly at james and asked“What are we going to do now?” No response. I was completely ignored and as if getting ignored wasn’t bad enough, the guy in the front seat was gradually making the music louder.“Oh yeah, sweet” I said irritated. James puts his hand on my knee, and continues to use his smooth talk, “Babe relax, we’ll have fun”. He pulls beers from the truck and passes them around. There wasn’t much to the night, we drank and drove around. Emma is my witness, poor James he seemed very frustrated, he was thinking he was going to sneak a kiss in sometime throughout the night, he was wrong. Emma and I winked at each other and said our goodbye’s to the boys.It was late and I couldn’t stop laughing at James behavior, he also hasn’t stopped texting me and I haven’t stopped answering him. The sun was shining through my curtains, i felt fresh and i had a good feeling about today. By the way today is Sunday and I thought why not just give James a chance, i mean he is entertaining me. I went to James in my contents and pushed the send button. I put no thought into it, id thought ill just wing it and see what happens just like the attitude a card player sometimes has in a game. Not a surprise, he invites me over I feel daring I say yes ill be right over. Everything was moving along quite quickly, I just laughed at the whole process, thinking Ill just play this kid its want he deserves. He shocked me in so many ways, I arrive, he introduces me to his parents, he asked me what I would like to do, i saw a video game paused on his T.V screen and said, “We might as well play!” He laughs. I said we should switch things up a little, James makes a “huh” face and shockingly asked if I want some wine. I couldn’t breathe the thought of drinking wine while playing video games made my eyes tear. Like I said before, I was feeling daring. We sipped and played our fingers off. Once we viciously killed all the monsters, the vibe of just being his best buddy soon faded into something different as we laid on his bed, looking into each other’s eyes and asking each other what’s our deepest darkest secrets. I felt trust and he couldn’t stop making me laugh but not for one second did I show him I was beginning to feel something. Little messages kept appearing in my mind, just be smart! I felt weak, a rush of timidness scattered throughout my body which suddenly controlled my eyes to shift away from his. My thoughts of our lips pressed against each other became more real every second. His signs of wanted to kiss me only grew stronger and stronger. I was confusing myself, I wanted to have fun but I didn’t want to get hurt but I couldn’t possibly get hurt because I just met him. I quickly changed the subject; I said proudly “we need to shave your face!” I let him know he was growing in hairs that honestly were not attractive. I dragged him into the bathroom, sat him on the toilet and shaved him with a big smile on my face. I couldn’t stop laughing, “You look handsome!”“As long as it makes you happy”, he says. It was 8 o’clock and I had plans to go out with my girls at 9, I thought James wouldn’t have a problem walking me home. How can I forget, it’s James he’s going to ask for a favor in return. What would you like? Pretending to be all ticked off, I want a kiss he says. I played funny little games with him, well at least i thought they were fun. I would go in for the kiss and then pull away when I saw him lean closer. I finally just gave him a simply kiss, i thought i would feel relived that the tension has disappeared however that wasn't the case. I wanted to give him a little more, I really was falling for him. He walked me home.
Days went by, my feelings for James were really starting to show.
Dear Diary,
The words, I have feelings for you were not yet said to James because truthfully i wasn't ready to say them but I'm hoping James got the clue. I just didn't feel there was enough trust yet, it amazes me how long it's taking me to have trust in him. It dosen't seem to be amazing anyone around me, my friends strongly believe i shouldn't trust him, they overly keep reminding me to be careful with him. It makes me sad that my friends don't approve of James but i know they are just looking out for me. I'll keep you updated.
Today is the day James will meet my mom. My mom invited James to eat dinner over, surprisingly dinner was not arkward. Just as any mom would do, she just didn't stop asking him questions. I brought home other boys, however this one felt different. Each day i was beginning to find more and more things i truly adored about James. As i felt more comfortable around him, the more i let go and soon our connection grew deeper and stronger. The warm, safe feeling his arm gave me as it was wrapped around my body was priceless, i just couldn't stop kissing him. We layed side by side watching movies all night, i felt like everything was finally feeling right.

James phone broke, he gave me a list of his friends numbers and his house number where i could call. I felt werid calling both, so i didnt. A day passed by, no phone call from him either. My head was spinning with worried thoughts, i was beginning to feel lonely but i stayed positive, maybe he had an excuse, i said to myself over and over again.The next morning i didn't hestitate, i couldn't bare waiting around feeling hopeless, i called his house. He picked up casually like nothing was different. He rambles on how hockey started, rumors spread and Jessica found out about our relationship. Sadly that was only the beginning to when everything went down hill.

I feel as im stuck in a cloud of all my thoughts and feelings, everything seemed to be blurry, until i felt drops of rain falling on my forehead and lightly falling down my face. It didn't phase me, i just kept walking. More rain kept coming down, confusely the rain started to cure my pain and yet manged to make me feel alive again. My phone begins to vibrate in my pocket, it was a unfamilar number. I pick it up hoping it was a friend, after all i could use a friend. It was the last person i needed to talk to, it was Jessica.